Chapter 20

“I won’t even be home for spring break,” she pressed on. “The team stays on campus to train. And over the summer there’ll be more training, and hopefully a decent internship somewhere.”

“You’ll get a great one,” I said, as upbeat as I could.

“Guys, listen,” she said, taking our hands, looking from one to the other of us. “I might be able to see you here or there sometime next summer, but who knows how we’ll feel by then? I mean, I don’t want anything to change. I wish this ... I wish this could last forever. You both mean so much to me, and you helped me heal, and I’ve learned so much about myself. God, I’ll never, ever forget you.

“But the truth is, I’m going to go out there and find somebody just for me, if I can. And you’re still more in love than any couple I’ve ever seen. The truth is, we’re all going to move on over the next year. The real truth is,” she said, swallowing, “this is it. This is the end. We’re not ... probably ... going to be able to see each other anymore.”

Suddenly, it really sank in. Jackie and I had wanted to take Delaney on a long weekend away so that we could spend time with her before she went off to college. Coming to Philadelphia had been her suggestion, because she had rowed on the Schuylkill River before and wanted to show us Boathouse Row. This was a time when we wouldn’t have to worry about somebody seeing us together, or somebody from the neighborhood spotting her through one of our windows.

We had been lucky all along that she had a few good friends who would cover for her whenever she wanted to spend the night with us, but even so we had to smuggle her into our house, lying flat on the back seat of the car covered by a blanket, for fear that one of the neighbors would see her. We could never go out to the movies or to dinner with her.

The last few days had been perfect. Not just the sex, but the time spent in public as the ‘throuple’ we’d become. Sightseeing, shopping, restaurants, who cared who saw us together or what they thought? It had been a fantasy. Now, though, the fantasy was ending. Reality was sinking in. This wasn’t a sweet good-bye to our girlfriend until she came back from college. It was just good-bye.

I looked across at Jackie, and I could see that the truth was sinking in for her as well. For a long time we all just lay there in the dark, holding each other, deep in our own thoughts.

When we got up in the morning we didn’t talk much as we packed our things, loaded the car, checked out of the hotel, and got to Parc’s for our reservation. We wanted to treat ourselves to an indulgent breakfast before heading home. We ate mostly in silence while we people watched on Rittenhouse Square. When the meal was done, we paid our bill, slowly walked to the car, and started back.

We drove north, through the Lehigh Tunnel, over the Poconos, and down into New York. As we got closer to Cortland, a small city about a half hour south of Syracuse, I thought about how happy we had been when we picked Delaney up there three days before.

She had told her parents that she was going on a short shopping trip to Philadelphia with some crew friends. One of the girls on her team actually was going to row for Drexel University, so it wasn’t far-fetched. Instead, she had met us in the Walmart parking lot in Cortland.

When we pulled into the lot, Jackie had spotted her immediately. She was parked in the outer row, just as she said she’d be, near a tree that would give her car shade for the afternoon. When she got out and grabbed her duffle from the back seat, she was grinning ear to ear. So was I. Jackie actually squealed a bit in excitement, pointing her out to me.

There had been no kissing or hugging or public displays of affection, despite how elated we all felt. We were still too close to home, and there was still a possibility, no matter how remote, that somebody who knew us might see us. Delaney had simply thrown her duffle into our trunk and quickly hopped into the back seat. Still, it had felt like the beginning of an amazing adventure for all of us!

This time, we were under the same constraints. No kissing and no hugging, though we couldn’t quite manage no crying. We pulled into that Walmart parking lot and spotted her car, exactly where she had left it. We pulled up next to it, and before we knew it Delaney was out of the car. There was no time for anything other than a quick good-bye. She grabbed her duffle from our trunk, slammed it shut, and scooted over to her car. We didn’t see her get in, because we were moving as soon as she closed the trunk.

I gave her a quick look in the rear-view mirror, just to make sure that she wasn’t having any trouble, but once I saw her car start I didn’t look back again. I couldn’t. Jackie and I sat in silence for the rest of the trip home. The car seemed larger and emptier than it ever had before. Our adventure was over. Maybe for good.

That fall after Delaney had gone off to college was a bittersweet time for Jackie and me. We each found that we missed her terribly. It was like mourning a breakup. At first we kept in touch daily via text and email, but we were all incredibly busy and as we got into the meat of the semester our contacts dwindled. We didn’t want to push ourselves on her, and by Thanksgiving we were only hearing from her once per week, if that.